A few ideas kicked around by a less than select group of brains over dinner recently. As it’s nearly election time, here are our policies for a happier Bucharest, a happier Romania…
Drivers must obey the law
Let’s get the most revolutionary aspect of our manifesto off the drawing board early on: We propose that car, bus, tram, trolleybus, van, lorry and motorcycle drivers should obey the laws of the road. I know it’s a bold move, and one that will make us unpopular with the electorate from the outset, but that’s the kind of party we are: actions speak louder than popularity. Honking loudly at the car in front simply because he/she hasn’t moved off from a green light within 0.01 seconds of it changing will be an offence commanding up to ten years in prison. Blocking intersections (especially if there is a yellow grid) will carry a mandatory life sentence.
Murderers to go to prison
In another controversial move, we feel that people who crucify young nuns should be tried in a court of law and – if found guilty – sent to prison. Keeping them in custody for a few days while the fuss dies down and then basically letting them go is not really deterrent enough.
All stray dogs to be adopted or exterminated
Romanians and their dogs, it deserves to be the subject of a Phd thesis one day. More practically, we propose to end this plague once and for all by catching every dog in the country and putting them up for adoption for one month. Any dog which has not been adopted (and adopting will mean paying a heavy fee, and signing a declaration promising not to release the dog back on to the streets) will be put to sleep. Parents of children in Bucharest will themselves then be able to sleep more easily.
McDonalds and KFC to enforce self-cleaning policy applicable in other countries
We are aware of the fact that Romanians are still relatively new to fast food, but it is now 14 years since McDonalds first opened its doors here, so the idea of ‘self-cleaning restaurant’ really ought to have caught on by now. Why is it then that so few people dispose of their half-eaten Big Macs and bargain buckets as they should, by placing the contents of their trays in the many bins provided? And while we are on the subject of fast food, the practice of sitting at a table with no food or drink while someone else queues up will be outlawed too.
No-Smoking must mean No-Smoking
We smoke. Not a lot, but we smoke. We do not smoke where we are not allowed, however, and will always respect the wishes of anyone who politely asks us not to smoke. Not so the shoppers at a well known Bucharest emporium (the one in Pantelimon). Enormous signs everywhere say quite clearly ‘FUMATUL OPRIT’ but as we have said before, education standards in Romania must be very low, as few people appear to be able to read the signs. On the same subject, our local park has a sign at every entrance saying that entry with dogs is forbidden. People (illiterate, obviously) still enter with dogs though.
Queuing to become a compulsory school subject
Which brings us nicely to another area of education: the introduction of compulsory queuing classes. We have said it before and will say it again: for a country whose people spent much of the past 50 years queuing for basic foodstuffs, Romania has a poor grasp of the notion of ‘standing patiently and courteously in a line.’
Television news programmes to carry news stories
In another sweeping and controversial move we propose that television channels should carry news items in their news programmes. Clear lists of what comprises a news story and what does not will be drawn up. For example: ‘Lots of people go to seaside on summer weekend’ will not be considered a worthy news story. Similar rules regarding the running order of these news stories will also have to be followed. Stories such as ‘important cabinet changes announced by prime minister’ will have to come before ‘Z-list American film celebrity visits Romania and says something nice’ in the running order. Sports news will follow even stricter guidelines. A ten minute interview with Gigi Becali split into five segments and presented as five different stories over three evenings will no longer be good enough. Likewise, any reference to footballers’ cars, clothes, wives/girlfriends, watches or holidays will be punishable by death.
English to be outlawed
Not the language per se, of course, Lord no; after all, what would the monoglot English do without it. No, what we have in mind is the use of English in Romanian, especially where it is used incorrectly. Use of the phrase ‘Drive-Test,’ or the words ‘cool’ and ‘trendy’ will warrant harsh punishments.
A clampdown on the abuse of sunglasses
Sunglasses are practical things, perfect for protecting the eyes from sharp sunlight. Wearing them inappropriately, however (in restaurants, houses, apartments, offices) or incorrectly (on the top of the head or – even worse – just above the eyes) will no longer be tolerated.
I dare say most of the stray dogs in this city are not aggressive and do not threat anyone unless started. But I think that we may have a gentleman’s agreement here that we agree to disagree.
As for the fast food issue, they can do like Billa or Kaufland (with their carts where one has to insert RON 0.50): make customers pay RON 10 for the tray (place a tray dispenser somewhere) and give it back to them when at the end. I would go for RON 10, because less money would mean that people might simply not care for RON 1. However, let us be honest, this is a matter of the respective fast-food joint’s policy. So they should find a solution, provided they notice (I think they do) that the more people take away their leftovers and clear their table, the more they can serve in the same time frame.
But I find this to be less of a problem, if compared to that amazing evening fight in large retailers and hypermarkets (take Real, Cora, Carrefour, Kaufland or others), where people run, smash (or tear apart) packages, chaotically crowd instead of queue, volontierly go against the flow… But that is just an extension of the lawless traffic issue
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Wow, what a reply.
A couple of points:
1. Something as potentially harmful to our children’s lives as vicious stray dogs should never just be ‘part of the city.’ Let;s just kill them all and be done with it.
2. We were not having a go at fast food outlets. We were having a go at those Romanians who leave their leftovers on the tables, and do not take them to the bin as they should. The restaurant at IKEA has dealt with this problem by putting up signs saying ‘de ce sa-mi strang singur masa’?
O zi minunata in continuare.
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Call me the black sheep here, but I for one do not believe in Shiva as an absolute answer to problems, whether in Bucharest, Trivandrum or Frankfurt. However, some of the issues you mention in the city are not due exclusively to infrastructure, laws and other “given” things, but rather on people. Both those living here and visitors/temporary residents (students, expats, temporary workers a.o.).
Take the dogs for instance; some people loathe them, but about just as many people in this city love and feed them. They are part of the city just as you and I am. The City Hall should do this and that about them (such as stopping their reproduction as it had once started), OK, but I for one do not believe in killing them (sorry for my use of this basic term used). By comparison, the Bucharest Driver is much more dangerous, has more power and less brains.
The excessive use of English words is not something unique in the world. Of course, this is not an excuse to be a total fraud and say “am ajuns la un agreement” or – even softer – to use “oportunitati” instead of “ocazii” etc., but – as a lot of information students get in university (talking only about them) comes in English, this just happens. Furthermore, it is also a matter of the Fitze Society, where people think they are smart(er) if they use “bonjourisms”. Look at the same situation in the same city (but with French back then) between the two world wars. The whole thing died when English took its place.
The fashion… hm, let us be straight and honest: every society has the trends and features it affords (not only financially, but also intellectually / culturally). Organizing an international conference a couple of weeks ago, the participants of which came from various capitals of Europe (but sharing a similar degree of welfare), I could not ignore the different ways they behaved; some were quiet, some could not attempt to show off in a more obvious way. This is a cultural issue and it would be both hard and relatively useless to attempt to eradicate it just because some (including myself) do not like people wearing sunglasses when it rains or while on the tube.
As for the big chain fast foods, without the need of naming them, they all sell crap. However, backed on the Fitze Society, on a solid marketing policy and on fast service (especially in this country), they are popular. Clean they are not, even if they respected all regulations in the world. I used to react when the first Fornetti and the Gogoasa Infuriata holes appeared, replacing the tasty (and real) local products with their frozen’n baked crap. However they sell well. This is reality now and it is granted by the market.
For drivers, traffic and motorcyclists using the bicycle lanes, you have all my consent. However there is someone breaking the law at every second in any street in this city (and in several other cities, including the Cluj someone tried to take separate a while ago, if you do not believe me, see the exit to Chinteni or the chaos in Piata Unirii – which should be closed to traffic anyway). The way to solve this problem is what they did on the DN1: cameras and bills delivered at home for faults that can be seen in pics, not police officers stopping drivers at street corners and blocking traffic even further. Then bill those imbeciles that park wherever, whenever and start (or allow) building multistorey parking lots, also advertising them, so that people use them. Advertise cycling and using the public transport; push those frauds at Metrorex to have trains run more often, grant them a 350 EUR flight ticket to Moscow (if not elsewhere) to see what an efficient tube system means, with trains coming every 50 secs and not every 7 minutes during the rush hour. Do not try to forbade cycling in town (that was the most hilarious thing the City Hall has ever tried to do).
Such things can be done or eased by the City Hall and it is here that they should move, but they don’t.
Beyond that, with the very high influx of totally different people (many workers from the neighbourhood and not only, students etc.), one cannot expect this city (just like any large city that attracts people for whatever reason) to behave like a compact community. For it is not. Subjective, I am. Just as subjective as one can be, after being bitten by a stray dog, respectively hit by cars while cycling a few times. My bottom line is that the issue is complex and should not be treated with deodorant when it needs soap.
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Yes Sir, we could use these, I’ll tell you! But…
Last time when someone tried to do something about the dogs (Basescu when he was Mayor) Brigitte Bardot came and told him to stop killing dogs, animal rights foundations from around the world also came and adopted a dog each (so they can show the world they care) and told him to stop killing dogs, many other people from home and from abroad shouted and told him to stop killing dogs. But no solutions were found, no funds were raised and the problem is still barking on the streets! It’s gonna be another 30 years untill someone else has the guts to try and solve this problem.
McDonalds and KFC would be banned if I ruled the country as well as other fast-food restaurants and generally speaking all food that is bad for peoples’ health would be taxed 100%. Romanians are new to fast food and they don’t realize the dangers of eating such crap. Starting from 1980 the number of deaths per year due to neoplazic diseases (aka cancer) has doubled! Do you realize what this means?! From 25.000 per year to 45.000 per year (2007 figures). Action must be taken agains fast food, but not only that! (To be continued, I’m gonna write a full comment about this problem because – as I like to say – for everyone to be alerted there has to be someone that wakes up first).
We didn’t put sunglasses in trend here in RO, the trend comes from Milano, Paris, New York we only watch the trend and – of course – apply it under local circumstances. But girls in Bucharest have to be indeed as beautiful as they say they are if you noticed the sunglasses habit (probably 95% of sunglasses on the streets belong to girls between 15 and 25 y.o.)
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